It’s amazing the strong connection we can have with words. I’m a deep lover of words - I collect poems and quotes, and firmly believe in their power to uplift and inspire. Incorporating someone else’s words, a favorite piece of poetry, or selection from a novel is a great way to personalize your ceremony, as well as imbue it with that wonderful feeling and strong emotion that only the well written word can instill.

When I’m writing a wedding ceremony, and want to include someone else’s words, that first things I think about are, “What is the theme of this wedding?”

Finding Words to Fit Inspiration

I’m not just considering the actual theme of the wedding, as the bride and groom have set forth (like Autumn, Rock & Roll, Vintage Glam, Renaissance, Literature), but the direction that I see the ceremony going on - I consider the relationship of the couple, the love story, their sense of humor.

I did a wedding that took place in the couple’s backyard - they were all about family, about turning their house into a home for their family. I immediately jumped online and began searching to find some quotes that I could use in their ceremony. And I found the perfect quote!

Jeannie & Tom’s beautiful backyard wedding

As someone once said, “It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.” Tom and Jeannie have opened their hearts not only to each other, but to everyone in their lives. This love is what makes their house into a home.

I always ask my couples who their favorite artists, performers, and authors are - and who their heroes are as well. This gives me another jumping off point to find beautiful words that really fit well with the rest of the ceremony.

Let me give you an example - in a recent wedding I did, the bride told me she loves Abraham Lincoln. I don’t think most people would think to include a quote by President Lincoln in the wedding ceremony, but I found this lovely quote that felt very much like the couple - and included it in the end of their love story.

And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

As the bride’s love for President Lincoln was a bit of an inside joke, I got a few laughs with the quote, too.

Finding Inspiration from Words

Often times, couples will tell me of a poem or reading they would like to incorporate as well - and I often use these as ways to extrapolate the theme of the ceremony, the overall feeling that the couple would like their wedding to evoke. It’s kind of the backwards version of when I search for a quote - instead of trying to figure out the theme from the ceremony outline and THEN find a quote, I take the quote, find the theme, and keep that in mind when writing the ceremony. It’s kind of like the wordy version of those wedding inspiration boards - a poem or reading suggestion can help me better understand what a couple is looking for.

I had a bride this past summer who came to her meeting with two passages she just loved and wanted to include in her ceremony. They also wanted a very short ceremony, with little to no Love Story. I adapted the passages into their Love Story, relating it to their relationship and their lives. It worked out really well.

A good marriage must be created.
In a marriage, the little things are the big things.
It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is not only marrying the right person - it is being the right partner.

Lynn and Joe have clearly found the right partner in each other. Joe says that Lynn is his inspiration. Her selflessness, big heart, and drive to help others never ceases to amaze him.

The love and support that Lynn receives from Joe have been above and beyond her wildest dreams. She admires the way he cares for her, provides for her, and protects her. She says that he is always willing to help others, through good and bad, no matter how tough it is - whatever it takes.

Joe and Lynn, today you are marrying the right person - you have found your perfect partner. It brings us immense happiness to see that you have found each other, and to witness your marriage today.

Joe & Lynn’s Love Story

I love that passage - it’s in my Celebrant arsenal - I like to use it in my closing remarks. Thanks, Lynn!

Ways to Include Words in Your Ceremony

You’ve probably heard of the old standard to include poetry or a text selection in your wedding - add a reader to your program. This is an especially nice way to include family members, close friends, or bridal party members into your ceremony. Make sure that you’ve told them before hand that they’re going to be reading, and, if at all possible, send them a copy via email so they can become familiar with it!

I always bring a copy for the readers, so they don’t have to worry about folding a piece of paper and sticking it in their pockets or purse. Talk to your officiant about it, or see if you can leave a copy at the front, on your props table - it makes everything run much more smoothly if they don’t have to worry about that extra piece of paper.

The Matron of Honor reads e.e. cummings

As I’ve mentioned, if the couple doesn’t want to have a reader, I will often use the selection in the ceremony itself - perhaps in the Love Story or the closing remarks. I like to weave it seamlessly into the ceremony, so it doesn’t feel weird to have me all of a sudden speaking in verse or reciting Shakespearean sonnets.

You can also include a quote or short poem in your programs, or even on your invitations! This is a really nice way to have your theme of your ceremony expand throughout your wedding.

Something I love is to include them in your vows. I recently found a poem that just took my breathe away - and made me cry each time I read it. It spoke really clearly to me, and I’ve tucked it away to use in my own wedding vows (and I can’t share it here because I know he reads my blog!).

And please, as always, feel free to think outside of the box! I’ve had couples incorporate song quotes from musicals in their vows - or read song lyrics like a poem - or put a poem to music! - recite a passage in two languages (a great way to have a bilingual touch to your ceremony!). The possibilities of including other people’s words in your ceremony are near endless, and incredibly inspiring. Start your own quote collection today!

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Authored By Jessie Blum

Jessie Blum is a certified Celebrant and wedding officiant serving Northern and Central New Jersey. She is passionate about personalizing wedding ceremonies, and strongly believes the only rule about weddings it that there are no rules! She’s currently planning her own wedding for 2010, and lives with her fiance in Bergen County, New Jersey.

When I first began Officiating Wedding Ceremonies I quickly realized that couples who were having a non denominational, civil or even a basic church Ceremony are offered only one or maybe two out of the book, fill in the blanks with the Bride and Groom s names, canned, repeated Ceremonies. Some Officiates may offer limited personalization, alterations and additions. Keep in mind that the Officiant is the main witness of you agreeing to be husband and wife, THE WORDS SHOULD AND CAN BE WHAT YOU WANT. The bottom line is that you should EASILY be able to compile the Ceremony that you want, print it and hand it to your Officiant/Minister/Judge/Justice of the Peace and say: Here, read this.

Another problem I ran into is what I call cookie cutter or the easy repeated way to perform a Ceremony. As guests, we attend a Ceremony, sit in our chair and all of a sudden, without notice, there is the Officiant, the Groom and his entourage up front. How rude and surprising to the guests! I firmly believe that the Officiant should do some sort of a Welcome to your guests along with any needed announcements and instructions including the turning off of cellular telephones to set up what should be set up as a warm loving time.

I am also big on equality. If the Bride enters down the main aisle so should the Groom. He is an equal half of the equation. If the Bride is to be escorted by her Father; why not by her Mother also? She is typically closer to the Bride than the Father anyway. When they get to the front corner chair the Bride and her Mother can hug and kiss, the Mother can be seated and then the Father walks the Bride up to the Groom.

And since the Bride is being escorted by her parents, why can t the Groom be escorted by his parents and seated in the front row? How many Ceremonies have we all been to that the Groom s parents are never recognized and therefore treated like second-rate citizens?

If the Bride is being given away during the Ceremony by her Father, then why not by her Mother also? Therefore, why shouldn’t the Groom s parents be able to give him away? Equality! I also believe that the parents should give the Bride and Groom away during the Ceremony prior to the vows. Doing the give-away when the Bride is brought to the Groom is typically missed by the guests and it doesn’t stand out. I have whoever is giving the Bride and/or Groom away stand as a Wedding Album photo opportunity when they do the give-a-way.

As to the entrance processional, I feel that as a guest it looks so much nicer and loving to have the Maid of Honor escorted down the aisle by the Best Man and the Bridesmaids by the Groomsmen. They reach the Officiant then split to their respective positions. The theme of a Ceremony is the making of a couple, so when the wedding party enters as couples, it keeps with the theme and you don t shove the Grooms party in from the side as if they are not equal to the Brides party. It also allows your guests and your photographer to focus on one aisle instead of looking around wondering who is coming next and from where. But the bottom line is; do as you wish.

As to the rings, equality again! Unless you have a Ring Bearer, the Best Man should have the Grooms ring and the Maid of Honor should have the Brides ring. The Grooms ring is too large for the Maid of Honor s finger and she has no pockets, so she simply places the Brides ring on a finger that slides easily over her knuckle. If the Ring Bearer has the real rings, then the Best Man should be the one to tie the rings on the pillow since he will be the one to untie them.

Hopefully this will be your only or final Wedding Ceremony. Do it the way you want to and not some cookie cutter way a wedding coordinator or family member wants you to.

Finally, your Ceremony Words are the most important part of your Wedding, more important than the paper the invitations are printed on, the seating arrangement etc. Make YOUR WORDS meaningful and memorable to you, your families and your guests. If you can make your guests cry a bit, laugh a bit and tell you afterward how much they enjoyed the words of your Ceremony, you will have succeeded.

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Authored By REVEREND MICHAEL J. AHERN

I Officiate full time in Orange County, California and have Officiated over 2,000 Ceremonies. I Officiate at all Orange County, California Hotels, Country Clubs, Parks, Chapels, Beaches and Residences with Personalized, Non Denominational Wedding Ceremonies. I am competitively priced and offer numerous options, customizations and personalizations. By utilizing my services you get to decide every word of your Wedding Ceremony. http://www.reverendmichaelahern.com/