Your ceremony is the heart and soul of your wedding and will likely be the most personal memory of this special day. So choosing an officiant is more critical than most people realize. Many couples, especially those who do not have a regular place of worship, plan in advance for everything but the wedding officiant! Personal referrals can give you a sense of security but make sure the officiant meets your individual needs and requirements. There are many things to consider:

The Officiant

If at all possible, meet personally with the officiant to make sure you are comfortable in their presence. It helps to discuss in advance what you are looking for as a couple so you are prepared to ask questions about everything that is important to you. Are they available for your wedding date and can you imagine them presiding over your special day? Do you like their voice and will it carry? What will they wear? Do they appear to be sensitive and flexible in relating to you? Do you sense they can collaborate with other

wedding professionals to make your day joyful and elegant? Remember that your officiant should be able to reflect your values, beliefs and the meaningful aspects that are unique and special about your relationship.

Pre-Marital Education

Does the officiant require your participation in pre-marital education or counseling? If not, are you interested in participating? Even when not required, pre-marital education is an excellent investment in your future. Learning more about each other’s strengths and weaknesses and gaining enhanced communication/conflict resolution skills ensures the best possible foundation for a happy marriage.

The Ceremony and Vows

Will the officiant work with you to develop a special ceremony which honors you as a couple? Can you use contemporary readings or are religious or scriptural readings required? Can you write your own vows or add special touches? Your ceremony should be an authentic expression of who you are as individuals and as a couple. For the most personal and unique wedding ceremony, your officiant should act as a guide and co-creator (not a director).

Location

Do you want to be married in a church, on the beach, or at some other special location? Is your officiant registered in the state or country where you plan to be married? Do special location arrangements need to be made and who will make them?

Fees and Other Considerations

Fees vary depending on services and travel requirements. Do you want the officiant only at the wedding ceremony or will you require them to be present at a rehearsal? Do you want to invite them to the rehearsal dinner and/or the dinner/reception after your wedding? Don’t assume anything without asking about each of these possibilities and receiving clear answers from your officiant.

Finally, do you believe your wedding officiant will act as a trusted advisor capable of meeting your needs through listening and encouragement, linking you to other resources, or providing direction if desired? This is your day – choosing the right wedding officiant will create a special memory for years to come.

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Jacqueline Soares, a wedding officiant located in Huntington Beach CA. Has assisted dozens of couples from the design of their wedding ceremony to perfoming their ceremony on the their big day.

Here’s how to keep the peace and still have the crowd you want.

Choose your battles, be firm, but give in if it’s a small issue and it looks like emotions are running wild. Arguments aren’t worth winning if they mean you and your mom aren’t speaking.

Divvy the peeps evenly. If your parents want to invite 30 friends, then you should give your groom’s folks the same option.

Ditch the “AND GUEST” pals who don’t have a long term love can attend solo. Tell singles that space is tight.

Skip your co-workers. If you don’t hang with your colleagues outside of the office, leave them off the list. If you can though, invite your boss or assistant.

Cut the munchkins. Be clear and consistent if you’re asking parents to leave their kids at home, for example, make a “NOBODY UNDER 18″ or “JUST NIECES AND NEPHEWS” rule.

Avoid the chain gangs. If putting just one person on your list, compels you to add the six others you associate with him or her, then drop them all.

Stagger the invitations. This tip is our least favourite, but if it will keep you from strangling your parents, or his, try it: Have an A-list of “Must be Invited People”, and a B-list of “It would be Nice to Have People”.

Send A-list invites out about 10 weeks before the wedding. For every regret, mail out a B-list invite. Don’t send a B-lister out later than one month before the big day.

Ceremony Considerations

5 things you and your fiance should discuss before meeting with your officiant.

1. The type of ceremony you both envision. Traditional and Religious? Interfaith? Non-religious yet spiritual?

2. Whether you would like to say anything to each other (aside from traditional vows)

3. Any religious or cultural rituals that you would like to incorporate, such as lighting of the unity candles or breaking a glass or jumping a broom at the end of the ceremony.

4. Special reading you’d like to include (a favorite poem, an ancedote about your first date, etc)

5. Particular relatives you’d like to honor by mentioning them, or with a symbolic gesture (wearing a piece of jewellry or a religious item of theirs, for example)

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Authored by Reverend Jerry Tindall at the Victorian Wedding Chapel in Aiken,S.C. where we put the bride and groom’s wants and desires first. After all, it is your wedding.

Recent trends I’ve noticed in weddings include: Keeping it simple, keeping costs down, and keeping more personal time for the couple. I am seeing more and more couples wanting to do simple, small wedding ceremonies with less fanfare and then having a special reception with special people at a later date.

One such couple is finishing up their education degrees in college.  At their wedding they had just me, their minster, a photographer and witnesses for their wedding ceremony. They said they wanted it simple, with fewer hassles and less expense. That way they had more time with each other (They weren’t worn out from the events leading up to the wedding and enjoyed the time they had together more.) When they returned home, they and their families, had a reception for friends and family. 

One couple got married on the beach of a resort, another in a park’s gardens, another in a gazebo, and another in a park’s reception hall. One couple got married in a hot air balloon and yet another on a pontoon boat. For some, Mom’s back yard works well, or the lodge meeting room. Many just have a few close friends and family present.

The trend I’ve been seeing is toward smaller weddings, in a place meaningful just for the couple, with less expense. Then investing time later for friends and family at a separate reception. It’s about having fun, enjoying each other, saving time, and less hassle, with a unique elegance.  By staying small, the special nature of your location is only limited by your imagination.

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About The Author:  Dale Shumaker: My foremost desire is to help people achieve the happiness they ought to have. My life experiences have taught me that everyone must determine what happiness is for them. I will see that your dreams for your wedding, the most wonderful day in your life, are accomplished. With a special talent to make everyone feel relaxed, comfortable while having fun, I will help you organize what you do in a way that you and your guests will have just a magnificent time. That’s why I like being part of Canalope Weddings… we find out what you want and make sure every detail you want is carried out. It is my delight to make this The Most Enchanting experience of your life… that you will reminisce forever. “May God’s richest blessings forever be with you!”  Can-A-Lope Wedding Officiants, Traveling Wedding Ministers can truly make the wedding wonders of their dreams come true.

The most common question I receive is “how much do you charge”. That is a good question however, it should not be the first or most important question when hiring your wedding officiant. To often Brides and Grooms plan their very detailed wedding ceremony and reception right down to the detail and want their wedding to be perfect! BUT  They think of the Officant as the person who just marry’s them. Yes the officiant does marry you, but they also create and perform your entire ceremony!

Your guests are sitting there watching and listening to your entire ceremony. If your officiant is not professional, does not speak clearly and with expression, does not have the ability to put together a well organized, well flowing ceremony for you, it can be a disaster.

First and most important interview a few officiants, look at sample ceremonies, ask questions, find out what they will do for the price, are they there for you from the day you book with them until you say I DO?  Will they give you final approval of your ceremony before they get up there and start talking? You need to know what your officiant will say! Will your officiant be dressed appropriately to suit your theme? Will your officiant arrive early to make sure all of the last minute details are in place? What is included in their fee? Are they going to charge extra at the last minute for customizing your ceremony, travel expenses, filing your marriage license?

Do you feel comfortable with your officiant? Do you feel your officiant will guide you through the ceremony? Do you get a feeling your officiant is sincere in their profession or do you get the feeling it is just a job to them?

Don’t get left standing at the alter by your officiant: Ask for a well written agreement. The agreement should contain the following at a very minimum: Their total cost to you. Your wedding date, time and location. It should also contain a statement that they are legal to perform weddings in your state. Does the agreement state what will happen if they do not show up or get into an accident or car trouble on the way to your wedding?

Minister: Are you looking for a minister? If so, are they a true minister with experience or did they click the mouse and become ordained with not one bit of ministery experience? Ask what church or organization they are aligned with. Don’t be misled.

Cost: Regardless of cost, your officiant can be very expenisve and that does not relate to quality!  It simply means they overcharge or have you paying their office rent to have a nice “front”. You may find a very cheap officiant that also does not relate to quality. Only interviewing them either by phone or in person, asking questions, asking for sampe ceremonies, asking to read their agreement/contact can you then begin to determine if they are qualified,  professional and a good match for you!

Types of Ceremonies offered: Will your officiant perform the ceremony that you desire? non-denominational, civil, secular, readings, poems, unity candle, rose, sand, handfasting for examples? Is this an additional charge or included in the fee?

You and your Officiant can have a wonderful experience, or you may be left very disappointed. I have heard guests, DJ’s, caterers, talk about a wonderful ceremony and disasterous ceremonies. Don’t let this happen to you.

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Authored By Sharon of Alafia Ceremonies: I am a Professional Wedding Officiant. I perform each and every ceremony with care and compassion. Each wedding is special. It is not just another wedding. This is just not a job to me. I truly have a passion and take pride in the services that I offer. An officiant is not a job for just anyone. It is not a job to get rich from. There are good and bad just like every other profession. I believe every couple deserves to have beautiful memories and treated with respect.

I believe I have an obligation tto my profession to educate Brides and Grooms.  They deserve to understand the importance of an officiant and the role they play.

You can find information on my services by visiting my website at www.alafiaceremonies.net