Wedding pictures aren’t complete without a flower girl and a ring bearer! Right or wrong? Maybe you don’t want kids but your family wants you to include your sisters little ones….what’s a bride to do?

YES! Some brides want it all; kids, dogs, butterflies, doves, you name it. So if your heart is set on having your little niece and your cousin’s son walk down the aisle then I say go for it! But do it with planning!

Maybe! Some brides think they want children in the wedding, but soon find out they are better off having cardboard cutouts! One trip to buy the flower girl a dress and your having second thoughts!

No way! On the other hand some of you are leaning to the side of a “no kids” wedding. But how do you break the news?

Following are some tips and suggestions to help you get a better perspective either way you choose.

When to have kids in the wedding party: You love children!

You love their spontaneity and if they do something silly you think it will just add more charm and laughs to your day.

You are getting married early in the day. Kids are better when it is not too late in the day. This way Mom and Dad will not have to leave early to get their cranky angels off to bed.

Night wedding? Hire someone to whisk the kids away for the night.

They are your own children; by all means they should be a part of this special event. By being included and involved will help them to feel more secure about their significance and place in your new life.

You don’t care how their hair turns out. Requesting a specific hairstyle for the flower girl can get tricky. Not every child’s hair will hold a curl, nor will they sit long enough to get it done.

You know they are “good” children. According to wedding planner Lois Pearce, President of Beautiful Occasions in Hamden, Connecticut say’s, ” One of the key things to think about when considering these children is their maturity level. Does the child behave well (within reason) around adults? Are they able to understand directions? Just because they are cute is not the criteria for them to upstage the bride on her wedding day.” Whether they love the attention or they are easy going and compliant you and their parents need to feel confident they will do their job well.”

Bad idea!: A bride of mine was having one of the grooms men’s daughter as a flower girl in the wedding. However, the girl’s parents were divorced and the mother was not in attendance at the wedding. The little girl couldn’t hang out with Daddy and the grooms’ men, so the bride had her sleep at her house the night before. On the wedding morning the bride arrived late and very frazzled to the salon because SHE had to give the child a morning bath! Not Good!

Too young! I had three little sisters who were all in the wedding party. Once their mother got everyone through the door and into the brides non-child proof small apartment everyone was stressed! The bride wanted them all to have French braids and the youngest child was three years old. She kept pushing my hand out of the way. As I would braid a section of hair she would rip it out. At three she was too young. Just because her sisters were in the wedding did not mean she had to be as well. She was too young to even care! Mom’s speak up!

Too much to ask! I had a bride who’s sister was the matron of honor. Her two daughters were also in the wedding. The sister/matron could not be in three places at once! Attending to the bride, searching for her kids while trying to get dressed herself was painful for me to watch. The younger one grabbed a handful of my bobby pins and hid under a desk and proceeded to “do her hair” after I had just finished it! This was after she thought it was great fun climbing up and down the stairs while hold her dress up like Cinderella, over and over.

When not to have kids in the wedding party:

• Just because there are children the perfect age in your extended family that fit the role, don’t feel obligated to add them to the wedding party.
• Let the parents know up front that you have chosen not to add children to the wedding party.
• If someone is pressuring you to add children to the line up, then leave this article in a conspicuous place for them to read.
• You want your day to go perfectly as planned. You spent enough time and money planning every last detail and you would not appreciate un-calculated antics.
• You are getting married in the evening and especially if they have to travel in for the wedding and sleep in an unfamiliar place.
• When there are just too many children to choose from and someone might get offended if left out.
• When you really don’t know the parents well.

Bad call! The kids are not “cute props”. Don’t ask a friend of a friend’s child to be in the wedding or even a long distant relative just because he or she is the right age. It takes a lot of preparation, patience, prodding, and expense on the part of the parents to make the day go relatively smoothly.

Opps! One ring bearer’s pillow had a music box inside. It didn’t take long for him to find the wind up key in the back. As the music played he began tossing the pillow up in the air during the vows.

Don’t do it! I’m sure you have seen it. Two flower girls, two ring bearers, and one groom’s men stuck with the twelve-year-old junior bridesmaid. If you really don’t want them, skip the kids all together.

Helpful Tips:

• Keep the kids at another location other then where the bride is dressing. At one home the ring bearer (in his tux) was giving horsy rides to the flower girl ( in her dress). Mom was not there so grandpa had to step in and tears followed.
• Make sure kid friendly videos and snacks are available.
• Dress them at the last possible minute.
• For real little ones have a large bib to put on.
• Scuff up the bottom of new shoes with sandpaper and let the kids break them in ahead of time.
• If Mom is in the wedding make sure she gets ready first!

More from Lois, “Give the children their own attentive spot during the processional. Remember the bride is the focus, all the other parties are a preliminary. Allow the children ample space between the bride as she processes down the aisle so that they can be “oooed” and “awed” and then have the focus return to the bride”.

Videographer, Mary Bair suggests “Children should be fed a small meal before the wedding and if they are little children hopefully they will have had a nap. They should be taken to the potty immediately before the ceremony begins because they get nervous too and you know what can happen then.” Mary has written, Bridal Cheers or Wedding Tears, Your Dream Wedding or Worst Nightmare.

More from Mary, “Small children should not be allowed to go up on the altar or to stand with the wedding party at the front. I videotape from the front and this is how I can see who the audience is looking at.”

Have a toy under the petals of the basket for the child to open once they have completed their walk.

Have a person from the parish ready to whisk the kids off to a Sunday school run ready with snacks and juice to keep the kids till the ceremony is over. Don’t expect the kids to sit quietly for up to an hour just to have exiting pictures.

Lois adds, ” An attendant or a groomsmen should be assigned the task of keeping an eye on the kids during the service. Should the child become unruly, their parent should be alerted to come and remove the child from this focal point of the ceremony. Children need praise. Praise them for their performance and thank them for their cooperation. They will react accordingly. All they want is a little love!”

A calm, easygoing bride is the best medicine for the child!

Remember you are asking a child to…

• Get through the rehearsal dinner.
• Sleep a good nights rest.
• Alter their morning routine.
• Put on scratchy, strange clothes and hard new shoes.
• Sit for their hairstyle and keep a “thing” on top of their head.
• Get through pre-ceremony pictures.
• Hold a basket and not loose it.
• Drop petals, walk slow, walk straight!
• Then two hours later be expect to be clean, still and quiet for more pictures? This is not possible for many adults!

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Authored by Gretchen Maurer of www.weddinghair.com.

Gretchen is the author of The Business of Bridal Beauty (Milady Publishing) and The Morning of Your Wedding (authorhouse 2008) and creator of http://www.weddinghair.com/ - Voted #1 by Brides Magazine

Are you doing your own hair?

1. Time your practice session and make a list of all of the tools and products you will need. If you are not going to be in your home, you will need to plan and pack well.

2. If you are doing your hair at your home put everything in a basket and hide it away to bring out fresh and ready for your special day.

3. Schedule times for showers.

4. Make sure there is a mirror and a counter or table to work from.

5. Make sure there are proper outlets, if not bring a power bar and extension cord. Older inns and Bed & Breakfasts’s may not have as many outlets or one near good lighting.

6. Put all of your pretty under things on first and cover up with a button down shirt or robe. This way after hair and makeup are done, just slip into your gown!

Is a stylist traveling to you?

1. Give exact, adequate directions and phone numbers. Many times brides give the directions they follow and forget the stylist may be coming from the opposite side of the highway. Or make sure she has GPS.

2. Have a spot prepared and set up for the stylist to work. It can be a large bath room, a well lit dining room or kitchen. Put out hot pads or thick towels to protect surfaces from hot tools.

3. Don’t assume the stylist can do extra people last minute. Make sure everyone who is having their hair done is mentioned ahead of time and arrives promptly.

4. Be ready yourself and allow extra time for interruptions.

Are you going to a salon?

1. Schedule your wedding day hair appointment at least eight weeks ahead.

2. Have a practice session at least a month ahead and bring a picture of your dress and your headpiece with you to the salon.

3. Record your travel time from the salon to where you are getting dressed.

4. Add on extra time for getting dressed and make-up if the salon is not applying it.

5. Ask for more than one stylist to help with the wedding party. Three stylists for a party of six is the best bet for staying on schedule.

6. Schedule all nail appointments for the day before, this also saves time.

7. Don’t expect to get your favorite stylist to do your wedding hair if you desire an intricate Updo. This is a specialty service and best left for the salon’s updo expert or team.

The Morning of Your Wedding covers this subject as well as many others and is a must read for every bride. Whether you are getting ready at home or at a hotel or other venue find great tips about stress, family issues, scheduling, petcare, food issues and more. No other book covers this hetic first part of your most important day. Be prepared!

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Authored by Gretchen Maurer.

Gretchen Maurer was approached to write the first ever, bridal-based hair industry book, The Business of Bridal Beauty, published by Milady Publishing. A licensed stylist since 1980, Maurer noticed there were too many wedding morning horror stories and wanted to see everyone’s morning of a successful beginning to a very important day. This first book was a step toward educating the salon industry and stylists.

Maurer taught seminars, classes and performed at hair shows for 12 years, presenting information to stylists to help them better serve their bridal clients. The wedding industry became Maurer’s next audience, namely wedding planners, whom she felt needed to know the inside of the salon industry. Once involved in The Association of Bridal Consultants, she spoke at many meetings and seminars.

In 1998 Maurer developed and created Weddinghair.com. In 2002 weddinghair.com was voted the #1 wedding beauty site, by Brides magazine! The web site offers over 100 wedding hairstyles each created by Maurer. Each style is photographed in a step-by-step format with simple DIY directions available for FREE in a down loadable PDF file. Her first book, along with the web site, has fostered many interviews, articles and hairstyles to appear in numerous national and local magazines and web sites.

Although Maurer did many on location weddings while working in a salon, by 2000 she left the salon environment and became a fulltime on-location bridal stylist. Traveling to numerous unique locations and servicing weddings of all sizes and budgets, Maurer experienced many chaotic and frustrating wedding mornings. Now with the help of The Morning of Your Wedding, every bride will get an inside peek to how that day might unfold, so she can be prepared for her best wedding day ever!

If your hair is short your options are somewhat limited but the chances of a hair malfunction is decreased as well. The longer your hair is the more options you have. Up- do’s, partial-up do’s, braiding, curls, the list of possibilities is long.

What you decide should be what you prefer and what looks good with your dress but if you choose to have your hair up be prepared for a headache if you don’t plan ahead. I don’t mean to say that having your hair done will be a headache. I mean that an up-do can literally cause you to have a headache because of how tight your hair is pulled back. Prepare yourself for an up-do. For two to three weeks before your wedding put your hair in a pony tail, pig tails, braids or anything that can simulate the pulling back and pulling up of your hair to get used to the feel.

I have seen brides with their hair up so tight that when they smiled it made them look uncomfortable. When I asked if everything is ok the answer was always ” I am getting a headache”. They would just assume it was from the stress of the day and it would be gone after the excitement and anticipation of the ceremony was over. It was the hair.

Hope this helps a little.

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Authored by Alicia McGinthy.

Alicia McGinthy works with her husband Jeff as wedding photographers. Their business is named Save the Moments Photography and they have photographed over 300 weddings together since 2002.

Their website is www.savethemoments.com and they travel Nationally.

Skin and Makeup Musts

• Book your make up trial so you know exactly how you will look on you wedding day. Trial as many colours as you need to be confident you love the final effect. Photograph the result so you can look back and reassure yourself that you are extremely happy. 
• Book an appointment with your beautician for 1 week before the wedding day for any waxing and facials you may need.
• Book a manicure and pedicure for a few days before your wedding day.
• Be very careful to cleanse, tone and moisturise for the week prior to the wedding.
• Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day for the week prior to flush toxins out of your body and to hydrate your skin. 
• Moisturise you face lightly on the morning of the wedding before the Make Up Artist arrives.
• Do not put any make up on- including cover stick… The Make Up Artist will do that all for you.
• Try and have as much sleep in the week prior to the wedding to look and feel bright and refreshed and eliminate bags under your eyes and dark circles.
• If you usually use Visine/eye drops pop some in before the Make Up Artist arrives to give your eyes a clear fresh feel.

Hair Musts

• Book a hair trial and try to make this for a day that you are going somewhere special like someone else’s wedding, your hen’s night, a ball or Christmas party. Make sure the final style is perfect and photograph the ‘do’. 
• Book in and have your colour and a trim done a week before the wedding. Try not to make any drastic changes to either the colour or the style that you might regret on the day and that may change the way your wedding hairstyle looks.
• Wash and blowdry your hair the night before the wedding day. Make sure it is completely dry before the Hair Stylist arrives on the wedding morning.

Setting the Stage

• On the day prior to the wedding lay out your beauty items for the wedding day so that you can find them easily… these include your tiara/hair crystals, your veil (hanging if possible), your deodorant, your perfume, your jewelry, face moisturiser, eye drops.
• Make sure you have food prepared for the wedding day. You will need to eat a decent breakfast and then have platters of light, nutritious finger food to graze on throughout the day. This is extremely important. You will be faint and nauseous if you do not eat. See my wedding day menu for ideas of light and fun platters that are easy to prepare and that will give you the energy to get you through till your reception. 
• Set up an area with either a large dining table or 2 small tables for the Hair and Make Up Artists. The Make Up Artist will need a large window to face her bride for natural light if possible. The Hairdresser will need a power point nearby and good overhead lighting.
• Have a lovely candle lit bubble bath and then go to bed as early as you can for some beauty sleep.
• Wake and enjoy every single moment of your special day. Make sure you get lots of preparation photos of yourself and your bridesmaids to look back and giggle over after the day.

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I have been doing wedding hair now for 16 years and have accumulated this information over time and prepared it for you all because often it is the little things that end up being done at the last minute and make your wedding preparations so much more stressful- I hand it out to my brides and I also have it under Bride’s corner on my website so you can print it off. I hope this helps to make the Hair and Make Up section of your special day run smoothly and stress free!